Shut Up Sometimes...

"Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has discovered an idea and thinks it's his own"
 --Sydney J. Harris


They have always said that curiosity killed the cat. I agree, because when you snoop around in something you don't have any business in, it usually comes back to burn you. However, I'm wondering if something else assisted in killing the cat. The something else I'm thinking about is arrogance. Think about it. The only reason the cat would venture into whatever is spiking his curiosity, has to be that he is CONVINCED that nothing bad can result of it. Take it like when your boo leaves to run to the store and leaves the oh so precious BlackBerry behind and you're CONVINCED that you have enough time to do a little Snoop Trooping...until they come back and you're stuck with the "I can explain" face.

Arrogance can kill you or your most precious idea. In business and in your personal life it's important to remain humble or that'll be the main ingredient in the next pie you eat. No matter how you live your life, it's not fair to judge other people or believe that your idea and your say so is "above" someone else's. Better than, that's ok. More realistic, cool. Finacially feasible, even better. But know that nobody can be right all the time...not even you. Even if everybody around you is wrong, and you not only believe but know and have proof that what you are saying is the way to go, being ignorantly obnoxious is not going to get people to see things your way.

Take example from our president. In his recent interview with Oprah, he was asked how he felt about the criticism from supporters and non-supporters and how it affects him personally.The president responded by saying that he knows what he's doing is correct and firmly stands by his decisions. He included that he can't convince or force people to believe that what he's doing is right. He can only continue to do right and eventually that light will shine. Now he was also humble enough to say that if it turns out he is wrong, he will accept the repurcussions and not try to spin his way out of it ( sneak diss to George Dubyah, and that's why I love my president).

I said that to say that we all have recieve criticism from different areas in life. Your mom, supervisor, boyfriend, child, friend, neighbor or whoever and we can't please everybody. It's ok to have confidence in how you live your life or what you believe in, but be real enough to know that we all are human and capable of being wrong. Be open to hear other people's ideas because you never know what knowledge or advantages somebody else can offer you. If you walk around like you're indestructible, it's only gonna hurt that much more when you fall down.

INDEPENDENT: The Bad and The Ugly

I hate I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T bitches.

I'm just so over this movement I don't know what to do. And to all the supporters and lovers of the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement I just want you to keep these questions in mind as you read:


How are you going to "independently" be in a relationship?
How can you be "independently" married?
How are you "independently" a family?
How are you "independently" having sex with another person?

I just don't get it. I mean, maybe if I was part of  I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement I might be ok with this new found sense of getting something for nothing but I don't agree with "independently" going to work, "independently" paying bills, "independently" taking care of my son and then letting a nigga come fuck up my sheets...I might as well do that shit "independently" too. I mean, you want me to do all this at STILL give you some at the end of the day and you're not even gone leave me a tip on the nightstand in the morning? I don't care how you have me crawling up the walls, that shit is work too!

I saw a girl on Twitter who said that she believed the  "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement ruined the way black men and women relate to each other and it did. The natural balance of things is for men to provide and women to comfort. By instinct alone, a man wants to protect, provide for and support a woman and by the same right women gravitate towards doing all the stuff men are too tired to do after protecting, providing for and supporting all day. That's why we naturally want to cook for, check up on and all around cater to our man. Whether he's deserving or not, a woman feels like if it's her man (or just a dude we're "dealing with") she should do all the things he needs. And I don't do think it's anything wrong with that.

But if you're jumping around the club, tombout I.N.D.E this or five star that (I still love Yo Gotti though, *smooches*) or whatever else and all you need is that dick, how do you think that makes him feel? Especially when your bag is pleather, your shoes leant (yes, leant), your weave is nappy and your conversation is mediocre. Therefore, he treats you like all he need is that pussy and you all on Facebook saying how grief stricken you are. It goes so much deeper than that for me because the I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement provides this false sense of security and powerfulness in women, so that when you do need his help he looking at you like "Bitch, I thought you was independent?"

The most horrible thing about this whole movement is that women like me, who refuse to be used, lose in this situation. Why? Because when I let a man know, I am going to ask you for stuff and I don't like to be told no, they look at me like I'm crazy and I'm living in the twilight zone. Men say that they want an "independent" chick and that's cool because who wants a bitch that's just trying to suck your pockets dry, but you want me to do EVERYTHING for myself and STILL give you some?

Not that I'm this big spoiled baby, but I work hard everyday and have stresses coming from all angles. Being involved with a man is not supposed to increase these stresses. I know that no relationship is perfect or stress free but if you can't help me at least maintain but eventually improve my quality of life, there's no since in you being around. I use this philosophy when it comes to friends and jobs and men aren't any different because they have the secret weapon between their legs.

I love, love, love, love the secret weapon that men have but it's more to life than that. And when I say "improve my quality of life" that's not neccesarily "give me your whole check"...Like, if I work late on Friday's and you can take my son to the barber shop with you, that's what's up. If you can get your friends to buy clothes and pictures from me, that's what's up. If you can even fill my tank once a week to save me $50 to use towards the start up costs for my site, that's what's up...BUT if all you want is for me to come through between 10 and 5 and leave empty handed OR share all the amenities I "independently" earned, you got me wrong. Cuz shorty go her own, not OUR own right?

This may seem like gold digging or using to some but the great Mr. West (Kanye that is) said "Everybody gets used for something. If nobody can use you for anything, then consider yourself useless." So, it's something that everybody goes through. You wouldn't have a job if you couldn't provide whatever service for your employer and your employer wouldn't have you if they didn't have the money to pay you.

So, really it's not about "using", it's about knowing what you want and being able to turn away from whatever doesn't provide that. And I know what I want and it's cool that I haven't found it. I'll just be out here until then but it's two things I want to say. To the men of my generation, I just want to say all women are not "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T". I know it's a lot of them between 18-25 but it's not everybody. I just want to ask all the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" women of the world to calm that shit down because y'all are making it harder for the women who are trying to build something other than a man "independently" being with us.

*steps off soapbox*

Booty Insurance

When you hear "insurance" what do you think? Most of you go into the land of how you need it for your car and if you don't have it you're scared to drive in certain areas (raise your hands with me) or maybe even if it comes with your job or is included in your mortgage. Do you think about how you need for your children or if Lil Mann falls off the top bunk you're stuck with a 50 katrillion dollar hospital bill for getting 3 stitches? Or do you think about how you have it just in case something happens to you and you need a nest egg for your children and families? All of these things are completely normal and in fact predictable, but let me ask you guys a question: If you could, would you insure ANY of your body parts? What if your fame and fortune, bread and butter or all your chickens counted on one little body part? Would you do it????

Let's explore. A lot of celebrities have insurance on their body parts, from J-Lo to Rhianna to David Beckham to Mariah. They know that their money is based on their legs or voice or in me and J-Lo's case, the BOOTY. Now, I'm no celeb but I'm working on it in my own way and I'm no idiot so I know my golden ticket is the wagon I'm draggin. I have other talents and could excel in a plethora of fields but since I like looking good and being bad, getting paid for being me is the option I'm most interested in exploring. So, with that being said let me give you the background...

Friday night. Me, drunk, sitting on the ledge of a table, 6 inch heels on, tight ass jeans, with only my booty resting on the edge of this table. I'm feeling myself outrageously. Sing it with y'all: I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good, yea, yea RATTLE RATTLE THUNDER CLATTER BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! I don't know what happened because I had been propped up on this table for about 5 minutes and all of the sudden, I was on the floor. I mean hard, right on my ass. You would think it was enough cushion for some pushin but nope. I feel so hard and really did hit what felt like...for lack of biological terms, my booty bone. Like seriously, I didn't even know it was bone in here but it really did hurt. I wish I could have seen the fall or my face because I'm sure it was hilarious. Ok, enough laughing. So I get up and dust my shoulders and my booty off and try to carry on with the evening but the pain was so intense I just went home. Now fast forward to Sunday night...After a hard day of nothing and cleaning, I go to take a bubble bath. I ran the water as hot as I could stand, had the bubbles flowing and had just finished blowing so I'm ready to just relax and potentially doze off in this water. As soon as I sit my meat on the porcelain, pain shudders through my bum from the same booty bone bruiser on Friday and it made me think : Do I need some booty insurance? 

I mean seriously folks I have plans for calendars, websites, more pictures with less clothes, books, promo tours, workout tapes, booty molds and whatever else merchandise you can market, sell and profit from by putting a big booty Bun E Bombshell on it. I'm just saying I'm trying to get some of the billions that flow through the booty/sex industry every year and I cannot do it with a bruised, lopsided or flat booty.

Now, I don't know if any insurance company would even listen to my claim to need booty insurance or how much it costs but if I'm trying to make it off this thing, why wouldn't I? I do know that I wish those Allstate hands would have been there to catch me Friday night! I haven't made millions of my bubble but I have made some things happen and the millions are possible. In the words of Chris Rock, you pay for insurance "in case shit happens". So, in the case I can't make million after million, I think I'mma need something. That's all I'm saying.

I know I go a little to the left, to the left sometimes but I just wanna know: If your livelihood depended on one thing, would you insure it? Why or why not?

Piercing or Tattoo or What Would You Do?

24 and a half years ago, I was born. When I looked back, some really bad things happened in May 1985 from a record number of tornadoes to a cyclone killing 10,000 in Bangladesh. Some good stuff happened too like Madonna's "Crazy For You" being #1 (ok, so I really don't know this song, but it sounds good) and Micheal Jordan was named NBA "Rookie of the Year", but most importantly (***sounds trumpets***) I WAS BORN!!!

Time really flew and I grew up fast. I lived a really, really, really, really, really, really crazy life (yes, that many really's). I learned a lot of lessons waaaaaay before a child should have to and forced to move through life skipping chapters and missing out on a lot from growing up so fast. I thought I had seen, done, been through and survived so much that by 17 I thought 25 was old. For real, my rationing was that by 25 you should be buying your first house, already married or looking to get married, established in your career field and ready to start getting old. I swear 25 was like middle age to me.

I believed this until about 2-4 months ago somebody asked me how old I was and I said 23. Then whoever I was with said, "No, bitch you 24 now. Yea, you getting up there!" And like a dagger through my heart, my stomach fell, shoulders humped, jaw dropped, eyes popped and I realized...I am getting old. So I've been slumping around town about being 25 in six months and getting the *girl, get yo' ass outta here* side eye from everybody.

The consensus seems to be that 25 is the best age to be. Right in the middle of life where you have (or should have) learned most of life's lesson and be in a great position to secure the future of your dreams. 25 is the age where you are definitely no longer a kid and getting ready to mark your place firmly in Adulthood or Aintshitnessville. Best of all, 25 is the around the age of a woman's sexual peak (yes, I'm very excited about this)!!!

So now, after being reassured that there's lots more life to live and I don't have put a pair of reader's and a cane on my Christmas list, I have to decide what to do to document the occasion. Since I've considered myself an "adult" I have always did something monumental (at least for me) on every major birthday:


16- Lost my virginity (yea, I was trying to make it like a movie but it was anything but. That's a whole 'notha story though)

18- Went to prom (yes, senior prom was on my birthday. I thought I was the shit!) and got my tongue pierced with Brittany

21- Had Malik ( or was preggers at least. I didn't plan it that way, but that's how it was and it was pretty monumental.) and went to go see Gucci Mane (FREE GUCCI!) perform my all time Gucci favorite "Go 'Head" (or "Shorty Got A Ass On Her" for those of you who make up song titles) with Michelle and some other girl.

It's only been 3 birthdays but I'd like to "keep the party going" and continue with the tradition at 25 and I don't know what to do to mark me being a quarter of a century old. I guess 25 does sound old when you put it like that but that's my point. 25 is old and young and I am right where I should be. So I want to do something extra stupid crazy to mark the occasion.

I was thinking something like a tatoo or another piercing since I'm so over my tongue ring...Maybe go somewhere I haven't been yet like NY/LA...Cut all my hair off...See that last one is a NO GO! I can't do something crazy like rock a effin low cut! No offense to the low cut women of the world, I just know my head and a low cut is like fat people in little cars. JUST WRONG! So this is a plea to all of my innanet friends worldwide, older and younger than 25. What should I do for my 25th birthday????

Living Single

One day about a year ago, I was riding the train and in front of me sat a man and woman and in front of them sat another man and woman. In between both couples sat nothing. Not even air. Both couples were kissing, molesting and attacking each other with great passion, zest and fire. And I sat there being nagged by a then 2 year old over some damn Gatorade.

Being relationship and PDA free for quite some time now was starting to settle in and the ugly little person in green clothing started to knock on the train window begging to be let in the train, my brain and my heart. That's when I realized I didn't want to be one of those people and that's why I'm still single.

By one of "those" people, I mean the people who live to be their  version of "in love" whether or not the relationship is meaningless, abusive and dead end drama filled. The people who are always one half of a nothing ass situation. The people who just have to be part of a duo, never a solo act.

Not to sound like a Bitter Betty or anything because being in loved, being loved and simply loving somebody are all great things, when done right and that's how I want to do it. I can't get caught up in the cold weather blues. Everybody has had the cold weather blues once or twice so don't act brand new. It happens around now, before the holidays and after the indian summer when you have that one last boo thang from the summer hanging on and you just jump headfirst into a relationship because he/she is still around. Now, I'm no angel lol. I do date and I...let's just say "have my fun", but over the past 18 months I have spent a lot of time getting myself together, getting to know myself and what value I bring to any kind of relationship I'm involved in and refuse to let my hard work go to waste.

Things like physical, emotional and financial (yes, financial) abuse are all things nobody deserves to go through, I have to think that if people took more time to discover themselves and what they are worth, they would be in a better postion to get out of and not tolerate these situations. Not saying that anybody deserves these things, but it's been proven that low self esteem is a big factor in keeping people in these situations and I just have to believe that if people took a little more time to know and love themselves then they could see when a ugly situation is rearing it's head.

All I'm saying is I love too hard to just give it away because it's cold outside or because I'm just tired of being alone. Being in love with yourself has to feel better than loving on a battlefield when you don't even know what the war is about. It can be hard to convince other people (and even yourself) that you don't need a second half especially this time of year when you're around friends and family and they look at you like you have a second head when you walk in alone. The reality of it is that if you have a part time, no good raggedy somebody on your side, people will look at you just as crazy so you might as well do you and keep your sanity.

One is the lonliest number but it can also be of the greatest. Every now and then, we have to take time to realize the power of one. You only get one heart and one person has the power to decide who is worthy of your love. One person has the power to decide on your happiness.  Only you know when to jump in and when to fall back and sometimes, you have to fall back in order to make the jump worth your time.

Tales from My Notebook...Volume I

     This is something I wrote about a year ago while I was reading "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" by Iyanla Vanzant. It was during the beginning stages of some major life changes, so I kinda took it to church a lil bit.

"What we must do at all times is remember that the God that is loving and helping us is the same God who will help our loved ones when we stay out of the way"

     When I read that in Inyanla Vanzant's "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" it almost startled me. For months and years and as long as I can remember, I've always seemed to take on and carry the weight of others. I have always felt like I was born to help others. I have a spirit to assit, uplift and motivate people and that really is what I set out to do everyday.
     At work, going SO deep and SO hard into the personal lives of those I was paid to help, that in retrospect, I was making my job 5 times more stressful than it needed to be. And that was on a good day. At home, I was busy trying to help somebody else realize his own potential and convince him to stop the non sensical, not to mention illegal activities that I inadvertently paused my own dreams. At my mom's house, I wanted so bad to help her finacially that it hendered my own progress and even now if I need recoprocation all I get is a sob story.     
     All these actions are really me refusing to "Let Go and Let God". Now I realize that my way of helping society does not have to come at the detriment of myself. I realize that whenever I have been at the lowest of the lows, broke, hurting, paining and ailing and somehow, someway I made it back to smiling, shining, stunting and dancing free it was because of God. And the same God who did that for me can do it for those who cry for my help. I simply choose to open myself up to God's blessing and I recieve. The people who choose to call on me will get no where. Why? Because I'm just me. That's it. I'm nobody's savior, alpha or omega and I'm just not Him. When I try to step IN, instead of stepping ASIDE and directing them to God, all I do is add stress to my life and block their blessings. This doesn't mean that I have to deny any and all assistance4, but I can deny to help those who aren't willing to help themselves. I can deny depriving myself and my son for people who aren't doing the best they can. I can, instead of stressing I can tell them this:

"Whatever crisis you face, pray through it. Whatever obstacle you must overcome, pray on it. Whatever miracle you are desperate for, pray for it. In times of trouble, when all seems lost, walk towards the Lord. If you can't walk, crawl. If you're too weak to crawl, just reach out to Him. He will be there. He will save you. He will never forsake you."

***I'm not sure where this quote came from but it isn't mine and but it was given to by my friend B during this same reconstruction period and I never forgot it.***

Long Distance Loving

      I'll never forget the first time I heard "Love from a distance". Ok, well I did forget some parts, but I was about 9 or so. My mom was cooking for some big deal (Christmas, Thanksgiving, a birthday or something) and she had me washing the dishes at the same time (Yea, she put me to work young, that's probably why I still can't wash dishes now lol). I didn't mind because I was having a good time eavesdropping while she was on the phone. I don't remember who she was talking about or what they did to piss her off but she said something like "Nah, I don't hate her, I'mma just love her from a distance."
     Me being 9 and all I stopped mid wash and did that lil thing dogs do when they kinda cock their head to one side a lil bit. I was hella confused because I thought that part of loving somebody was being close to them, especially if it was family or a close friend. How could you not see, hug, kiss, write, spend time with or talk to somebody who you "loved"? How could you not stand somebody and love them at the same time? How are you gonna put distance between you and somebody and y'all live in the same city? I think that was probably the first time I wrote my mom off as insane because as a kid, it made zero sense.

     Fast forward some years and I'm about 20, living the great life with a year of college, my own apartment and plenty of life experiences under my belt. I thought I knew firsthand about all the sayings old people say like "Make sure the left knows what the right is doing", "Don't trust anybody further than you can see em" and even "Once a cheater, always a cheater" so "Love from a distance" fell right in. I had fell out of a couple friendships and relationships by then and still had what I thought was love for the person even though I couldn't stand them and wouldn't even speak if I saw them. Yea, like I would see people and still get that same anger/hate/frustration/hurt/neglect or whatever feeling they last left me with. I would walk right past 'em at the mall, drive right off at a red light, see 'em at the club and act like I didn't know 'em hell I would definitely roll my eyes, but in my mind still knowing that this person was once valuable to me. I hadn't quite figured out what road I wanted to take with certain people so I would go off, not answer or make any phone calls and call it loving from a distance.

     It took a couple more friendship/relationship fall outs and about 4 more years for me to do it, but I learned this delicate practice not only involves distance, but love and forgiveness. I mean, you wouldn't be loving anybody from a distance if they hadn't done something that made you want to distance yourself. So, at 20 I had the distance thing down, but nobody told me about the forgiveness portion. And it's cool because honestly, I recently learned how to forgive and document (I say document instead of forgetting because honestly, I'm not going to forget anything but I can document in my mind without holding a grudge or being hung up on a certain issue) so I kinda worked it into this love from a distance thing.

     People who have fallen into my long distance love category range from childhood friends to blood siblings to ex boyfriends to the father of my son. I don't have any hate, hard feelings or ill wishes for these people. In fact, I wish nothing but happiness and prosperity for them. I am generally concerned for their well being and wish them all the luck in the world for the roads they have decided to travel. I have just come to learn that everybody you fall in with doesn't have your best interest at heart (Hi B!). That doesn't mean they should be stricken from the record books, but it does mean that I don't have to or need to be bothered with these people. If you bring problems, negativity, bad karma or frankly if your bad out weighs your good, I don't need it. That doesn't mean I don't love people for the good they DID but if we aren't on the same path or if you are trying to knock me off mine, the love we had means nothing.

     So now, I can do this long distance love in peace, the right way. I can really love, appreciate and pray for people from the comfort and security of my own life without letting them or our past bring me down or drag me into their own confusion and it really feels good.