United States of EricaMommyBombshell

"I know we'll be just fine, when we learn to love the ride"

I don't know who these people are, but I want to thank them for this song.

I really, really like music. When they say "it calms the savage beast" I really believe them. Whoever they are lol. But seriously though folks, since I write I actually listen to the lyrics in songs and try to decipher the hidden meanings. It's the geek in me, I can't help it.

So anyways, my life has been like a whirlwind lately and yesterday came really close to a breaking point. I wasn't gonna off myself or anything, but I was almost at that "Why me?" feeling. You know, right when you feel like nothing else can go wrong and if it does something or somebody is gonna get hurt?

So after a long day, I remember that I missed the season opener of US of Tara (Showtime, get you some) so I went to watch it On Demand. Now, I've never ever watched any episode of the show when it airs. I always watch it On Demand and have seen the whole 1st season twice. NEVER, have I really listened to and took in the words...until last night.

And that last phrase is all I heard really, but when I heard it everything just snapped into place like a puzzle piece. Tara suffers from a version of multiple personality disorder and on the show all of her "alters" are really just her. From Alice the homemaker to T (like the letter, not the drink) the rebellious teenager, they are all versions of Tara. When she just can't handle a certian situation anymore, she zonks out to let "other people" take on the situation. Instead of facing her problems, she runs from them and to doctors and meds and more problems.

I know in the show a dramatic event happened that made Tara this way, but she can't remember it which means she couldn't have dealt with, accepted or even acknowledged said problem. She didn't accept life. She didn't accept that sometimes shit happens. She didn't know that on the roller coaster of life after you go down you always come back up.

So just when I was laying down last night with the TV timer set to go off as soon as the show ended, I realized that I have to enjoy the ride. We all do or we'd all end up crazy and scattered. Yes I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, model, blogger, aspiring author and publicist. As long I use God as my seatbelt on this rollercoaster of life, I can do all these things successfully and enjoy the ride. You can only ride once, might as well make the most of it.

Tales from My Notebook...Volume I

     This is something I wrote about a year ago while I was reading "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" by Iyanla Vanzant. It was during the beginning stages of some major life changes, so I kinda took it to church a lil bit.

"What we must do at all times is remember that the God that is loving and helping us is the same God who will help our loved ones when we stay out of the way"

     When I read that in Inyanla Vanzant's "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" it almost startled me. For months and years and as long as I can remember, I've always seemed to take on and carry the weight of others. I have always felt like I was born to help others. I have a spirit to assit, uplift and motivate people and that really is what I set out to do everyday.
     At work, going SO deep and SO hard into the personal lives of those I was paid to help, that in retrospect, I was making my job 5 times more stressful than it needed to be. And that was on a good day. At home, I was busy trying to help somebody else realize his own potential and convince him to stop the non sensical, not to mention illegal activities that I inadvertently paused my own dreams. At my mom's house, I wanted so bad to help her finacially that it hendered my own progress and even now if I need recoprocation all I get is a sob story.     
     All these actions are really me refusing to "Let Go and Let God". Now I realize that my way of helping society does not have to come at the detriment of myself. I realize that whenever I have been at the lowest of the lows, broke, hurting, paining and ailing and somehow, someway I made it back to smiling, shining, stunting and dancing free it was because of God. And the same God who did that for me can do it for those who cry for my help. I simply choose to open myself up to God's blessing and I recieve. The people who choose to call on me will get no where. Why? Because I'm just me. That's it. I'm nobody's savior, alpha or omega and I'm just not Him. When I try to step IN, instead of stepping ASIDE and directing them to God, all I do is add stress to my life and block their blessings. This doesn't mean that I have to deny any and all assistance4, but I can deny to help those who aren't willing to help themselves. I can deny depriving myself and my son for people who aren't doing the best they can. I can, instead of stressing I can tell them this:

"Whatever crisis you face, pray through it. Whatever obstacle you must overcome, pray on it. Whatever miracle you are desperate for, pray for it. In times of trouble, when all seems lost, walk towards the Lord. If you can't walk, crawl. If you're too weak to crawl, just reach out to Him. He will be there. He will save you. He will never forsake you."

***I'm not sure where this quote came from but it isn't mine and but it was given to by my friend B during this same reconstruction period and I never forgot it.***