How many times have you thought about an ex? Your sister you don't talk to? Your middle school bff or anybody you many have fallen out with?

I know people say that all things end with time and we rarely have control over when that time is. From my experiences, whenever I get that feeling it's never when I'm ready for it. It comes at the wrong time when there are already so many other things going on and something just clicks and it's like "Ok, I don't have time for this situation anymore."

I haven't exactly booted a boatload of people out of my life, but at 25 there have been a lot of schoolyard/coworker/relationship/I-don't-want-to-ever-talk-to-you-again moments and they all happen the same way. Bullshit occurs, I dismiss it, repeat a few hundred times, major bullshit occurs, I go crazy, regular bullshit occurs, hype off major bullshit, regular bullshit or bullshitter is dismissed. And it often feels great, like at the end of the day when you take your bra off.

But once things calm down, the thoughts of said bullshit or bullshitter often creep back into my mind. And then I think, was I wrong? Did I handle things the correct way? Could things have been handled differently? Should I go back and apologize and in some cases, let the bullshitter know that I feel like I'm owed one?

With the increasing popularity of social networks, people can more easily access ones that once may have banished from their lives. So it's no longer as easy as moving or changing your number or jobs to disappear from the face of the Earth. A recent study showed that more and more people are using these can't-live-without-applications to apologize to people they used to bully, the girl who's boyfriend you slept with or even to confront people who they feel like owe them an apology.

On the surface I think it seems like a good idea to go and mend broken bonds but according to the study it does more harm than good. After so many years a person may have gotten over whatever the issue is or was and an overdue apology may actually just bring up bad memories especially if the person isn't ready or simply doesn't want to forgive. On the other hand, if you're doing the confronting, it can't possibly end well if the other person doesn't even feel as if they have committed a wrong.

The study revealed that most often times these overdue apologies are usually given out of guilt and to relieve the offender of any bad feelings NOT because a person is genuinely apologetic. And I don't disagree at all. I mean really, how sincere should one take an email apology? Even if that is the only form of communication available at least an attempt on a face-to-face meeting or telephone number exchange or something seems better than you spilling your guts via your keyboard. It doesn't really seem sincere, heartfelt or important for the other person to really know when you think about how easy it is to not read or see or forget to go back and read an email.

In all honesty, I believe that in some cases it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie. I try not to go back and forth with people in and out of my life and if someone does something to be on the outs, they should stay there. Whether they're out at my choice or theirs doesn't matter. If the situation didn't end correctly, it doesn't matter. I hate to leave a wound open, but with time and some prayer, everything heals. Even me. With or without giving or getting the apology in question.

Apologizing is something that used to be rather difficult for me, especially because I thought I could never be wrong. Both things are something that I have been working on and I have to say that I've made major strides. One thing it's caused me to do is review all my past actions and relationships and wonder if there is anybody out there who feels like I've wronged them in one way or another and review how I feel about those who have wronged me. I have to say that pressing forward seems like the best option for me at this time.

There isn't a point in going out of your way to bring up old issues if you feel comfortable in your life now and don't need the approval or forgiveness of another person. There isn't a point in trying to force someone to see the errors in his or her ways or to prove how much you've changed. When it all boils down, no one, two or three people on this planet can judge us, our hearts or how we handle ourselves. So if you should have apologized years ago, take that up with your God. If you feel like you're owed an apology, take that up with your God. Pray to get over the situation. Pray that God forgives your mistakes and move on with your life. No social network apologies needed.

United States of EricaMommyBombshell

"I know we'll be just fine, when we learn to love the ride"

I don't know who these people are, but I want to thank them for this song.

I really, really like music. When they say "it calms the savage beast" I really believe them. Whoever they are lol. But seriously though folks, since I write I actually listen to the lyrics in songs and try to decipher the hidden meanings. It's the geek in me, I can't help it.

So anyways, my life has been like a whirlwind lately and yesterday came really close to a breaking point. I wasn't gonna off myself or anything, but I was almost at that "Why me?" feeling. You know, right when you feel like nothing else can go wrong and if it does something or somebody is gonna get hurt?

So after a long day, I remember that I missed the season opener of US of Tara (Showtime, get you some) so I went to watch it On Demand. Now, I've never ever watched any episode of the show when it airs. I always watch it On Demand and have seen the whole 1st season twice. NEVER, have I really listened to and took in the words...until last night.

And that last phrase is all I heard really, but when I heard it everything just snapped into place like a puzzle piece. Tara suffers from a version of multiple personality disorder and on the show all of her "alters" are really just her. From Alice the homemaker to T (like the letter, not the drink) the rebellious teenager, they are all versions of Tara. When she just can't handle a certian situation anymore, she zonks out to let "other people" take on the situation. Instead of facing her problems, she runs from them and to doctors and meds and more problems.

I know in the show a dramatic event happened that made Tara this way, but she can't remember it which means she couldn't have dealt with, accepted or even acknowledged said problem. She didn't accept life. She didn't accept that sometimes shit happens. She didn't know that on the roller coaster of life after you go down you always come back up.

So just when I was laying down last night with the TV timer set to go off as soon as the show ended, I realized that I have to enjoy the ride. We all do or we'd all end up crazy and scattered. Yes I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, model, blogger, aspiring author and publicist. As long I use God as my seatbelt on this rollercoaster of life, I can do all these things successfully and enjoy the ride. You can only ride once, might as well make the most of it.

Long Distance Loving

      I'll never forget the first time I heard "Love from a distance". Ok, well I did forget some parts, but I was about 9 or so. My mom was cooking for some big deal (Christmas, Thanksgiving, a birthday or something) and she had me washing the dishes at the same time (Yea, she put me to work young, that's probably why I still can't wash dishes now lol). I didn't mind because I was having a good time eavesdropping while she was on the phone. I don't remember who she was talking about or what they did to piss her off but she said something like "Nah, I don't hate her, I'mma just love her from a distance."
     Me being 9 and all I stopped mid wash and did that lil thing dogs do when they kinda cock their head to one side a lil bit. I was hella confused because I thought that part of loving somebody was being close to them, especially if it was family or a close friend. How could you not see, hug, kiss, write, spend time with or talk to somebody who you "loved"? How could you not stand somebody and love them at the same time? How are you gonna put distance between you and somebody and y'all live in the same city? I think that was probably the first time I wrote my mom off as insane because as a kid, it made zero sense.

     Fast forward some years and I'm about 20, living the great life with a year of college, my own apartment and plenty of life experiences under my belt. I thought I knew firsthand about all the sayings old people say like "Make sure the left knows what the right is doing", "Don't trust anybody further than you can see em" and even "Once a cheater, always a cheater" so "Love from a distance" fell right in. I had fell out of a couple friendships and relationships by then and still had what I thought was love for the person even though I couldn't stand them and wouldn't even speak if I saw them. Yea, like I would see people and still get that same anger/hate/frustration/hurt/neglect or whatever feeling they last left me with. I would walk right past 'em at the mall, drive right off at a red light, see 'em at the club and act like I didn't know 'em hell I would definitely roll my eyes, but in my mind still knowing that this person was once valuable to me. I hadn't quite figured out what road I wanted to take with certain people so I would go off, not answer or make any phone calls and call it loving from a distance.

     It took a couple more friendship/relationship fall outs and about 4 more years for me to do it, but I learned this delicate practice not only involves distance, but love and forgiveness. I mean, you wouldn't be loving anybody from a distance if they hadn't done something that made you want to distance yourself. So, at 20 I had the distance thing down, but nobody told me about the forgiveness portion. And it's cool because honestly, I recently learned how to forgive and document (I say document instead of forgetting because honestly, I'm not going to forget anything but I can document in my mind without holding a grudge or being hung up on a certain issue) so I kinda worked it into this love from a distance thing.

     People who have fallen into my long distance love category range from childhood friends to blood siblings to ex boyfriends to the father of my son. I don't have any hate, hard feelings or ill wishes for these people. In fact, I wish nothing but happiness and prosperity for them. I am generally concerned for their well being and wish them all the luck in the world for the roads they have decided to travel. I have just come to learn that everybody you fall in with doesn't have your best interest at heart (Hi B!). That doesn't mean they should be stricken from the record books, but it does mean that I don't have to or need to be bothered with these people. If you bring problems, negativity, bad karma or frankly if your bad out weighs your good, I don't need it. That doesn't mean I don't love people for the good they DID but if we aren't on the same path or if you are trying to knock me off mine, the love we had means nothing.

     So now, I can do this long distance love in peace, the right way. I can really love, appreciate and pray for people from the comfort and security of my own life without letting them or our past bring me down or drag me into their own confusion and it really feels good.