Tales from My Notebook...Volume I

     This is something I wrote about a year ago while I was reading "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" by Iyanla Vanzant. It was during the beginning stages of some major life changes, so I kinda took it to church a lil bit.

"What we must do at all times is remember that the God that is loving and helping us is the same God who will help our loved ones when we stay out of the way"

     When I read that in Inyanla Vanzant's "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up" it almost startled me. For months and years and as long as I can remember, I've always seemed to take on and carry the weight of others. I have always felt like I was born to help others. I have a spirit to assit, uplift and motivate people and that really is what I set out to do everyday.
     At work, going SO deep and SO hard into the personal lives of those I was paid to help, that in retrospect, I was making my job 5 times more stressful than it needed to be. And that was on a good day. At home, I was busy trying to help somebody else realize his own potential and convince him to stop the non sensical, not to mention illegal activities that I inadvertently paused my own dreams. At my mom's house, I wanted so bad to help her finacially that it hendered my own progress and even now if I need recoprocation all I get is a sob story.     
     All these actions are really me refusing to "Let Go and Let God". Now I realize that my way of helping society does not have to come at the detriment of myself. I realize that whenever I have been at the lowest of the lows, broke, hurting, paining and ailing and somehow, someway I made it back to smiling, shining, stunting and dancing free it was because of God. And the same God who did that for me can do it for those who cry for my help. I simply choose to open myself up to God's blessing and I recieve. The people who choose to call on me will get no where. Why? Because I'm just me. That's it. I'm nobody's savior, alpha or omega and I'm just not Him. When I try to step IN, instead of stepping ASIDE and directing them to God, all I do is add stress to my life and block their blessings. This doesn't mean that I have to deny any and all assistance4, but I can deny to help those who aren't willing to help themselves. I can deny depriving myself and my son for people who aren't doing the best they can. I can, instead of stressing I can tell them this:

"Whatever crisis you face, pray through it. Whatever obstacle you must overcome, pray on it. Whatever miracle you are desperate for, pray for it. In times of trouble, when all seems lost, walk towards the Lord. If you can't walk, crawl. If you're too weak to crawl, just reach out to Him. He will be there. He will save you. He will never forsake you."

***I'm not sure where this quote came from but it isn't mine and but it was given to by my friend B during this same reconstruction period and I never forgot it.***