One day about a year ago, I was riding the train and in front of me sat a man and woman and in front of them sat another man and woman. In between both couples sat nothing. Not even air. Both couples were kissing, molesting and attacking each other with great passion, zest and fire. And I sat there being nagged by a then 2 year old over some damn Gatorade.
Being relationship and PDA free for quite some time now was starting to settle in and the ugly little person in green clothing started to knock on the train window begging to be let in the train, my brain and my heart. That's when I realized I didn't want to be one of those people and that's why I'm still single.
By one of "those" people, I mean the people who live to be their version of "in love" whether or not the relationship is meaningless, abusive and dead end drama filled. The people who are always one half of a nothing ass situation. The people who just have to be part of a duo, never a solo act.
Not to sound like a Bitter Betty or anything because being in loved, being loved and simply loving somebody are all great things, when done right and that's how I want to do it. I can't get caught up in the cold weather blues. Everybody has had the cold weather blues once or twice so don't act brand new. It happens around now, before the holidays and after the indian summer when you have that one last boo thang from the summer hanging on and you just jump headfirst into a relationship because he/she is still around. Now, I'm no angel lol. I do date and I...let's just say "have my fun", but over the past 18 months I have spent a lot of time getting myself together, getting to know myself and what value I bring to any kind of relationship I'm involved in and refuse to let my hard work go to waste.
Things like physical, emotional and financial (yes, financial) abuse are all things nobody deserves to go through, I have to think that if people took more time to discover themselves and what they are worth, they would be in a better postion to get out of and not tolerate these situations. Not saying that anybody deserves these things, but it's been proven that low self esteem is a big factor in keeping people in these situations and I just have to believe that if people took a little more time to know and love themselves then they could see when a ugly situation is rearing it's head.
All I'm saying is I love too hard to just give it away because it's cold outside or because I'm just tired of being alone. Being in love with yourself has to feel better than loving on a battlefield when you don't even know what the war is about. It can be hard to convince other people (and even yourself) that you don't need a second half especially this time of year when you're around friends and family and they look at you like you have a second head when you walk in alone. The reality of it is that if you have a part time, no good raggedy somebody on your side, people will look at you just as crazy so you might as well do you and keep your sanity.
One is the lonliest number but it can also be of the greatest. Every now and then, we have to take time to realize the power of one. You only get one heart and one person has the power to decide who is worthy of your love. One person has the power to decide on your happiness. Only you know when to jump in and when to fall back and sometimes, you have to fall back in order to make the jump worth your time.
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