Booty Insurance

When you hear "insurance" what do you think? Most of you go into the land of how you need it for your car and if you don't have it you're scared to drive in certain areas (raise your hands with me) or maybe even if it comes with your job or is included in your mortgage. Do you think about how you need for your children or if Lil Mann falls off the top bunk you're stuck with a 50 katrillion dollar hospital bill for getting 3 stitches? Or do you think about how you have it just in case something happens to you and you need a nest egg for your children and families? All of these things are completely normal and in fact predictable, but let me ask you guys a question: If you could, would you insure ANY of your body parts? What if your fame and fortune, bread and butter or all your chickens counted on one little body part? Would you do it????

Let's explore. A lot of celebrities have insurance on their body parts, from J-Lo to Rhianna to David Beckham to Mariah. They know that their money is based on their legs or voice or in me and J-Lo's case, the BOOTY. Now, I'm no celeb but I'm working on it in my own way and I'm no idiot so I know my golden ticket is the wagon I'm draggin. I have other talents and could excel in a plethora of fields but since I like looking good and being bad, getting paid for being me is the option I'm most interested in exploring. So, with that being said let me give you the background...

Friday night. Me, drunk, sitting on the ledge of a table, 6 inch heels on, tight ass jeans, with only my booty resting on the edge of this table. I'm feeling myself outrageously. Sing it with y'all: I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good, yea, yea RATTLE RATTLE THUNDER CLATTER BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! I don't know what happened because I had been propped up on this table for about 5 minutes and all of the sudden, I was on the floor. I mean hard, right on my ass. You would think it was enough cushion for some pushin but nope. I feel so hard and really did hit what felt like...for lack of biological terms, my booty bone. Like seriously, I didn't even know it was bone in here but it really did hurt. I wish I could have seen the fall or my face because I'm sure it was hilarious. Ok, enough laughing. So I get up and dust my shoulders and my booty off and try to carry on with the evening but the pain was so intense I just went home. Now fast forward to Sunday night...After a hard day of nothing and cleaning, I go to take a bubble bath. I ran the water as hot as I could stand, had the bubbles flowing and had just finished blowing so I'm ready to just relax and potentially doze off in this water. As soon as I sit my meat on the porcelain, pain shudders through my bum from the same booty bone bruiser on Friday and it made me think : Do I need some booty insurance? 

I mean seriously folks I have plans for calendars, websites, more pictures with less clothes, books, promo tours, workout tapes, booty molds and whatever else merchandise you can market, sell and profit from by putting a big booty Bun E Bombshell on it. I'm just saying I'm trying to get some of the billions that flow through the booty/sex industry every year and I cannot do it with a bruised, lopsided or flat booty.

Now, I don't know if any insurance company would even listen to my claim to need booty insurance or how much it costs but if I'm trying to make it off this thing, why wouldn't I? I do know that I wish those Allstate hands would have been there to catch me Friday night! I haven't made millions of my bubble but I have made some things happen and the millions are possible. In the words of Chris Rock, you pay for insurance "in case shit happens". So, in the case I can't make million after million, I think I'mma need something. That's all I'm saying.

I know I go a little to the left, to the left sometimes but I just wanna know: If your livelihood depended on one thing, would you insure it? Why or why not?