INDEPENDENT: The Bad and The Ugly

I hate I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T bitches.

I'm just so over this movement I don't know what to do. And to all the supporters and lovers of the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement I just want you to keep these questions in mind as you read:


How are you going to "independently" be in a relationship?
How can you be "independently" married?
How are you "independently" a family?
How are you "independently" having sex with another person?

I just don't get it. I mean, maybe if I was part of  I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement I might be ok with this new found sense of getting something for nothing but I don't agree with "independently" going to work, "independently" paying bills, "independently" taking care of my son and then letting a nigga come fuck up my sheets...I might as well do that shit "independently" too. I mean, you want me to do all this at STILL give you some at the end of the day and you're not even gone leave me a tip on the nightstand in the morning? I don't care how you have me crawling up the walls, that shit is work too!

I saw a girl on Twitter who said that she believed the  "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement ruined the way black men and women relate to each other and it did. The natural balance of things is for men to provide and women to comfort. By instinct alone, a man wants to protect, provide for and support a woman and by the same right women gravitate towards doing all the stuff men are too tired to do after protecting, providing for and supporting all day. That's why we naturally want to cook for, check up on and all around cater to our man. Whether he's deserving or not, a woman feels like if it's her man (or just a dude we're "dealing with") she should do all the things he needs. And I don't do think it's anything wrong with that.

But if you're jumping around the club, tombout I.N.D.E this or five star that (I still love Yo Gotti though, *smooches*) or whatever else and all you need is that dick, how do you think that makes him feel? Especially when your bag is pleather, your shoes leant (yes, leant), your weave is nappy and your conversation is mediocre. Therefore, he treats you like all he need is that pussy and you all on Facebook saying how grief stricken you are. It goes so much deeper than that for me because the I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement provides this false sense of security and powerfulness in women, so that when you do need his help he looking at you like "Bitch, I thought you was independent?"

The most horrible thing about this whole movement is that women like me, who refuse to be used, lose in this situation. Why? Because when I let a man know, I am going to ask you for stuff and I don't like to be told no, they look at me like I'm crazy and I'm living in the twilight zone. Men say that they want an "independent" chick and that's cool because who wants a bitch that's just trying to suck your pockets dry, but you want me to do EVERYTHING for myself and STILL give you some?

Not that I'm this big spoiled baby, but I work hard everyday and have stresses coming from all angles. Being involved with a man is not supposed to increase these stresses. I know that no relationship is perfect or stress free but if you can't help me at least maintain but eventually improve my quality of life, there's no since in you being around. I use this philosophy when it comes to friends and jobs and men aren't any different because they have the secret weapon between their legs.

I love, love, love, love the secret weapon that men have but it's more to life than that. And when I say "improve my quality of life" that's not neccesarily "give me your whole check"...Like, if I work late on Friday's and you can take my son to the barber shop with you, that's what's up. If you can get your friends to buy clothes and pictures from me, that's what's up. If you can even fill my tank once a week to save me $50 to use towards the start up costs for my site, that's what's up...BUT if all you want is for me to come through between 10 and 5 and leave empty handed OR share all the amenities I "independently" earned, you got me wrong. Cuz shorty go her own, not OUR own right?

This may seem like gold digging or using to some but the great Mr. West (Kanye that is) said "Everybody gets used for something. If nobody can use you for anything, then consider yourself useless." So, it's something that everybody goes through. You wouldn't have a job if you couldn't provide whatever service for your employer and your employer wouldn't have you if they didn't have the money to pay you.

So, really it's not about "using", it's about knowing what you want and being able to turn away from whatever doesn't provide that. And I know what I want and it's cool that I haven't found it. I'll just be out here until then but it's two things I want to say. To the men of my generation, I just want to say all women are not "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T". I know it's a lot of them between 18-25 but it's not everybody. I just want to ask all the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" women of the world to calm that shit down because y'all are making it harder for the women who are trying to build something other than a man "independently" being with us.

*steps off soapbox*