Kiss My Ass!

"I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie!"

     If you jump up when you hear this song, and not because it's a hilarious song, but because you have a big butt and you love it, this bud's for you!

     Well...us. I am so sick and tired of the booty hating going on in our society, especially between women (there are men booty haters but I'll deal with that at a later date). I mean, with the invention and uprising of butt pads, why are women still looking down and hating on The Booty Brigade?

True, men tend to follow us like sick puppies when they see the wagons dragging but geez louise this has gotten out of control! You can't go shopping, to the mall, work or even on effing Facebook without somebody saying something about the booty! There's nothing we can do about it outside of surgical correction and use that term lightly because reducing a booty causes a problem when there wasn't one to begin with.

In my case specifically, I know there will be those who say "It's not that your booty is big, but you don't have to show it like that" or whatever the latest phrase is but to them I say this: If I took pictures in too big sweatpants you and your man would still be able to see the Easter hams in my pants. Get over it! To those that say "You're disrespecting yourself" I say this: "Love me, hate me, say what you want about me, but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to IF YOU SEEK AMY!" Yes, I took this from the mouth of a one Ms. Britney Spears but that's why ifuxwithBritney! She's basically saying "LET ME BE GREAT!" and I feel her!

I don't necessarily think you should let Amy meet any and everybody but if people seek another person's Amy, why get mad? Why not just find the Amy in YOU? You may have some Amy in your swag, but if you're hating on MY Amy how is anybody gonna ever even see, let alone seek YOUR Amy?

If you're a No Butt Nancy, being friends with Big Booty Judy may be intimidating and that's probably why members of The Booty Brigade typically are friends with only each other. And not that I'm begging No Butt Nancy's for friendship, I am asking for a decrease in the hateration. Big Booty Judy's make great friends and actually have brains, hearts, feelings and all that other stuff that makes you human. Everybody has one thing about them that sticks out so if everybody learns to love and promote that one thing then maybe we'll actually see a decrease in booty discrimination but until then:

Thanks Nike.

You Do Not Get A Pass!

From http://www.blog.fatcatclothingco.com/


Custom. Elegant. Exciting. New. Fierce. These are some of the words that come to mind along with the word fashion. In some cases, even gay. I mean, let's face it. A lot of gay men are involved in the world of fashion. Some in secret, some out, some good and some bad. Very bad.




And what's worse is, the world seems to be ok with it! A gay man can dress as out of this world as he wants to and nobody says a thing! This has been going on since I can remember!



From Elton John to Adam Lambert hell, even Dennis Rodman, gay men just seem to do whatever they want when it comes to fashion! I'm not sure where this misconception came from, but I want to tell the world "BEING A GAY MAN DOES NOT GIVE YOU A FASHION PASS!" I mean really, a duck suit? More makeup than Elizabeth Taylor? A green cock a doodle doo?



This all stems from the other day when I was checking out of the grocery store. The young man working should have been arrested for the felonies he committed against fashion. He had dreadlocks with bright orange tips even though he was dark as the night is long, white frames (not glasses because there were no lenses), lip gloss for the masses and his uniform shirt had to have been the last one in stock because I hope the manager didn't give him a M shirt since he was clearly a 3X kinda man.



That was just from the waist up! I couldn't see his bottom half but I'm sure it was a mess! When I pointed out all his wrongdoings to my friend, she said



"Well, you see he's gay."



And I looked at her and said



"What does that have to do with anything?"



In my mind, if anything, a gay man should be dressed to the nines! Not dressed like an overlooked extra from "Nine" the movie. Yes, fashion is typically associated with gay men and fashion sometimes goes to the left. You know, at one point some of everything has been done in fashion so in today's time, I guess it's "expected" of people to go far left. Being allowed dress like you're blind and picked your clothes out in the dark simply because you're gay...is not ok.


If I leave the house looking like a crayon box explosion of colors, textures and prints nobody would wait 30 seconds before the comments started, but because a man just so happens to be gay he gets a pass?



America and citizens all over the world, we have to stand up and say NO to visionary trauma's caused by all people and stop giving any one particular group a fashion pass. Everybody has to be held accountable! If you want to do it big on the runway, special night or events that's ok. Dressing like you rolled around in a vintage store after hours even though you may be at work, school, church or a family function is not ok.



Tell us what you think! Do you think people should be able to dress how they want, when they want, where they want OR do you feel like there are rules to everything...including fashion!

The Thrill Is Gone

I've lived in this lovely *rolls eyes* city of mine all my life. I've seen it all and done it all and there is nothing new for me to do here. Well that's how I feel anyway.

In St. Louis, everybody has to be seen and heard and this is something we learn very young. It all started with something called a "lock in". Who wants to be locked in anywhere and why? Who, is little, screaming, sneaking 9-15 year olds at various skating rinks around the city. Why? Because the parents of little, screaming, sneaking 9-15 year olds took it as a night off. We heard about lock ins a month in advance, and it gave plenty of time for matching outfits to be bought, hair to be pressed and lines to be stood in for the new J's. It was all the rave to the small children of St. Louis and everybody had to be there!

Now, my mother didn't let me go to lock ins. I guess she already knew what was up (Plus, even if I did go there was still a house full of kids, so it really wasn't a night off her anyway)! And what was up, was everything. OMG, if you didn't go to the lock ins you were the wackest, lamest, nobodiest kid at school. Trust me, I know. Kids came back on Monday talking about the fun they had and I sat quietly during these times wishing I could be in on the action...Not really, I just walked away and would read or something which is how I slipped into Land of the Nerds.

Though I did miss "the lock in era" I caught up fully on my clubbing! I lived and died to go the club. Started my club planning on Tuesday morning! Left school early on Thursday's to find an outfit before my shift at the mall started. Friday's were all about planning who is stealing their mom's car, what time is so and so's curfew and who was out til the sun came up! No, not in college. This was just HIGH SCHOOL! That's just how hard the club scene goes! It's all about being seen and like I said you learn early.

So now, years after high school, when I'm supposed to be enjoying my freedom and weekends off, I'm in the house. WHY? Because I'm burnt out on St. Louis clubs!!! Not clubbing, just St. Louis clubs. When I go out of town, I have a ball! There are different people, they look different, the atmosphere is different...it just feels like clubbing should!

But here, I really feel "locked in". Smushed from wall to wall, couldn't leave if you wanted to because traffic is bananas, same people I went to school with or my sister went to school with or lived down the street from my grandma,people matched up but not on purpose but because everybody shops at the same store, gets their hair done/cut by the same person, got their purse/J's from the same flea market stand who THEN have the nerve to look at you funny because YOU don't look like THEM, competing over dudes/women, got a funky screwed up face because they think you may be after their dude/woman and after a while it really becomes not worth it.

Especially when you get charged an arm and a leg to park, another arm and leg to jump the line, your left eye for the VIP booth only to find out it DOESN'T come with a bottle and the waitress is not that cute, not nice at all and doesn't even have a fat ass! They won't let you smoke AND they let stagglers in your booth AND they won't even let the guy paying the bar tab wear a fitted cap! So everybody is standing there with no arms, legs, missing a left eye, trying to drink in a booth crowded with strangers and saggy pants, ugly waitress who doesn't really care.

And yes, it's about the money. Not that you may not have it to blow, but wouldn't you rather blow money and feel good when it's all over? Like, when you leave the mall with a bag of shoes...That feels good. Spending that same amount to get a C- night, doesn't feel too good. If you're gonna take people's money like that, you should guarantee at least a B+ night...I'm just saying.

This is an opinion based off of MY most recent club cycle...I haven't been "out" in St. Louis since like....December. And that was ONLY because it was Steph's birthday. Before that, I couldn't even tell you the last time I went to a club for pure enjoyment/non work related reasons. I haven't even been to Lure or Plush at ALL! Why? Because I feel like I already know what and who I'm gonna see especially since I joined Facebook!

So now, for all the people who wonder why they never see me out and who ask me why I don't go out anymore, this is why. If the club scene has changed and shit isn't really how it used to be, let me know. If I'm over-reacting, let me know. Fuck it, if you have a club/bar/tavern/saloon that you think I should go to, let me know because for me the thrill is gone.

Don't Call Me THAT!

The other day I was on Facebook and I ran across a picture of a friend from high school. The picture was funny and cute so I left a comment calling him by his high school nickname.

Now this wasn't a glorious, uplifting whenever people say it your spirit brightens, lips spread and the only thing brighter than your aura is the gleam from your teeth kind of name. You know, something like Funny Fred or Pretty Tony. Oh no, it was one of those loudly yelled, intent on embarassing, hang your head in shame nicknames...you know, you got your Musty Mike and Pissy Mark type deals.

I guess. I only say I guess because this friend answered to the name at the time. Now the name, to me, wasn't anything too greatly offensive but I wasn't the one being called this. But anyway, as a 11-18 year old smart alac, I didn't call him anything but. I kept using the name and he kept answering. Now, I call him that like his name, not being funny or intentionally rude but I guess it's just out of habit...

So anyway, not even thinking about how people grow up, mature and whatever else we do once we graduate, I couldn't believe it when he stopped me in my tracks and addressed me, demanding that I don't call him that anymore. I guess I really didn't think about how people change and live different lives and simply put, don't want to be called by dopey nicknames from their childhood!

Once this happened I was thinking about how many other people have ridiculous or embarrassing nicknames from childhood, high school or anywhere else and if makes them flush with not anger, but a lil something that says "That's not my name!"

I know I had one and you wouldn't guess, but it was "Fathead" (go figure).

It's a family name that has many renditions from Fathead to Bigolhead to Fatolhead that they even attempted to put on my son! And I don't remember what event exactly but when I was like 17, I stood up at a family dinner and was like "Enough! That's NOT my name people!" They stopped calling me that, but once my son was born, they tried to bestow it upon him. And I had to slightly snap out again, but all is cool now. His name is simply (to my mom only) is "Likyhead".

I know there had to be one in high school but I don't remember it. Oh yeah there was one..."Big Booty Erica".

Like people didn't call me that really to my face but like if it was a conversation about an "Erica" It'll be like: You know, Erica?

Erica Who?

Big Booty Erica!

Oh yeah, what about her?

Yea, I hated that too. Then. I guess I've had no choice but to grow into and accept it now lol! But anything besides that I don't know. It has to be stowed in the locker of high school memories I purposely forgot the combination to but I'm sure you guys have some...

What's the one nickname you had/have that you absolutely despise and why?

INDEPENDENT: The Bad and The Ugly

I hate I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T bitches.

I'm just so over this movement I don't know what to do. And to all the supporters and lovers of the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement I just want you to keep these questions in mind as you read:


How are you going to "independently" be in a relationship?
How can you be "independently" married?
How are you "independently" a family?
How are you "independently" having sex with another person?

I just don't get it. I mean, maybe if I was part of  I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement I might be ok with this new found sense of getting something for nothing but I don't agree with "independently" going to work, "independently" paying bills, "independently" taking care of my son and then letting a nigga come fuck up my sheets...I might as well do that shit "independently" too. I mean, you want me to do all this at STILL give you some at the end of the day and you're not even gone leave me a tip on the nightstand in the morning? I don't care how you have me crawling up the walls, that shit is work too!

I saw a girl on Twitter who said that she believed the  "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" movement ruined the way black men and women relate to each other and it did. The natural balance of things is for men to provide and women to comfort. By instinct alone, a man wants to protect, provide for and support a woman and by the same right women gravitate towards doing all the stuff men are too tired to do after protecting, providing for and supporting all day. That's why we naturally want to cook for, check up on and all around cater to our man. Whether he's deserving or not, a woman feels like if it's her man (or just a dude we're "dealing with") she should do all the things he needs. And I don't do think it's anything wrong with that.

But if you're jumping around the club, tombout I.N.D.E this or five star that (I still love Yo Gotti though, *smooches*) or whatever else and all you need is that dick, how do you think that makes him feel? Especially when your bag is pleather, your shoes leant (yes, leant), your weave is nappy and your conversation is mediocre. Therefore, he treats you like all he need is that pussy and you all on Facebook saying how grief stricken you are. It goes so much deeper than that for me because the I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T movement provides this false sense of security and powerfulness in women, so that when you do need his help he looking at you like "Bitch, I thought you was independent?"

The most horrible thing about this whole movement is that women like me, who refuse to be used, lose in this situation. Why? Because when I let a man know, I am going to ask you for stuff and I don't like to be told no, they look at me like I'm crazy and I'm living in the twilight zone. Men say that they want an "independent" chick and that's cool because who wants a bitch that's just trying to suck your pockets dry, but you want me to do EVERYTHING for myself and STILL give you some?

Not that I'm this big spoiled baby, but I work hard everyday and have stresses coming from all angles. Being involved with a man is not supposed to increase these stresses. I know that no relationship is perfect or stress free but if you can't help me at least maintain but eventually improve my quality of life, there's no since in you being around. I use this philosophy when it comes to friends and jobs and men aren't any different because they have the secret weapon between their legs.

I love, love, love, love the secret weapon that men have but it's more to life than that. And when I say "improve my quality of life" that's not neccesarily "give me your whole check"...Like, if I work late on Friday's and you can take my son to the barber shop with you, that's what's up. If you can get your friends to buy clothes and pictures from me, that's what's up. If you can even fill my tank once a week to save me $50 to use towards the start up costs for my site, that's what's up...BUT if all you want is for me to come through between 10 and 5 and leave empty handed OR share all the amenities I "independently" earned, you got me wrong. Cuz shorty go her own, not OUR own right?

This may seem like gold digging or using to some but the great Mr. West (Kanye that is) said "Everybody gets used for something. If nobody can use you for anything, then consider yourself useless." So, it's something that everybody goes through. You wouldn't have a job if you couldn't provide whatever service for your employer and your employer wouldn't have you if they didn't have the money to pay you.

So, really it's not about "using", it's about knowing what you want and being able to turn away from whatever doesn't provide that. And I know what I want and it's cool that I haven't found it. I'll just be out here until then but it's two things I want to say. To the men of my generation, I just want to say all women are not "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T". I know it's a lot of them between 18-25 but it's not everybody. I just want to ask all the "I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T" women of the world to calm that shit down because y'all are making it harder for the women who are trying to build something other than a man "independently" being with us.

*steps off soapbox*