How many times have you thought about an ex? Your sister you don't talk to? Your middle school bff or anybody you many have fallen out with?
I know people say that all things end with time and we rarely have control over when that time is. From my experiences, whenever I get that feeling it's never when I'm ready for it. It comes at the wrong time when there are already so many other things going on and something just clicks and it's like "Ok, I don't have time for this situation anymore."
I haven't exactly booted a boatload of people out of my life, but at 25 there have been a lot of schoolyard/coworker/relationship/I-don't-want-to-ever-talk-to-you-again moments and they all happen the same way. Bullshit occurs, I dismiss it, repeat a few hundred times, major bullshit occurs, I go crazy, regular bullshit occurs, hype off major bullshit, regular bullshit or bullshitter is dismissed. And it often feels great, like at the end of the day when you take your bra off.
But once things calm down, the thoughts of said bullshit or bullshitter often creep back into my mind. And then I think, was I wrong? Did I handle things the correct way? Could things have been handled differently? Should I go back and apologize and in some cases, let the bullshitter know that I feel like I'm owed one?
With the increasing popularity of social networks, people can more easily access ones that once may have banished from their lives. So it's no longer as easy as moving or changing your number or jobs to disappear from the face of the Earth. A recent study showed that more and more people are using these can't-live-without-applications to apologize to people they used to bully, the girl who's boyfriend you slept with or even to confront people who they feel like owe them an apology.
On the surface I think it seems like a good idea to go and mend broken bonds but according to the study it does more harm than good. After so many years a person may have gotten over whatever the issue is or was and an overdue apology may actually just bring up bad memories especially if the person isn't ready or simply doesn't want to forgive. On the other hand, if you're doing the confronting, it can't possibly end well if the other person doesn't even feel as if they have committed a wrong.
The study revealed that most often times these overdue apologies are usually given out of guilt and to relieve the offender of any bad feelings NOT because a person is genuinely apologetic. And I don't disagree at all. I mean really, how sincere should one take an email apology? Even if that is the only form of communication available at least an attempt on a face-to-face meeting or telephone number exchange or something seems better than you spilling your guts via your keyboard. It doesn't really seem sincere, heartfelt or important for the other person to really know when you think about how easy it is to not read or see or forget to go back and read an email.
In all honesty, I believe that in some cases it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie. I try not to go back and forth with people in and out of my life and if someone does something to be on the outs, they should stay there. Whether they're out at my choice or theirs doesn't matter. If the situation didn't end correctly, it doesn't matter. I hate to leave a wound open, but with time and some prayer, everything heals. Even me. With or without giving or getting the apology in question.
Apologizing is something that used to be rather difficult for me, especially because I thought I could never be wrong. Both things are something that I have been working on and I have to say that I've made major strides. One thing it's caused me to do is review all my past actions and relationships and wonder if there is anybody out there who feels like I've wronged them in one way or another and review how I feel about those who have wronged me. I have to say that pressing forward seems like the best option for me at this time.
There isn't a point in going out of your way to bring up old issues if you feel comfortable in your life now and don't need the approval or forgiveness of another person. There isn't a point in trying to force someone to see the errors in his or her ways or to prove how much you've changed. When it all boils down, no one, two or three people on this planet can judge us, our hearts or how we handle ourselves. So if you should have apologized years ago, take that up with your God. If you feel like you're owed an apology, take that up with your God. Pray to get over the situation. Pray that God forgives your mistakes and move on with your life. No social network apologies needed.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
What did you do for your Birthday?
I got really, really, really drunk the day before since my bday was Mother's Day...I didn't go hard until Memorial Day in Memphis.
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